I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
