The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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