Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
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