All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
