I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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