I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
