im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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