I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
