Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
It's Friday. Sex?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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