sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize