Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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