The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
