oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize