i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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