i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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