In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
