chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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