My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
