: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
