watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize