it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You are a genius and a whore.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
