what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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