Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
