Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
