Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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