Plan B is the new Plan A
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
