Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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