Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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