I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
