i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
