3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
