She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
