I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize