Duck Duck Cougar?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
