dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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