Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
