you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
