I bet he comes in French.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
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