I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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