We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
