i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
