I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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