I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Couch. On fire.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
