singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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