I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
