So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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