so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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