I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
