Small penises have feelings too.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Hippo gnu deer
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
