So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
