He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Redeem this text for a blowjob
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
