i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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