i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
