I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
