You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
