Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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