Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
