3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
