I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
