is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
