I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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