Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize