I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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