u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
