porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
