ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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