I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
