Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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