remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
