Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
