She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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