dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Alive.
So much puke
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
