I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
