we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
