i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
