I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
