why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
