you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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