After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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