he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
