She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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