Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
