talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
