Acid is not a monday night drug
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
