Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
