What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
one two three fourrrrnication!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
