Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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