And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize