Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
