FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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