When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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