Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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