hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
