I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
