can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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