She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
