So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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