bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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