My friends, they love my intelligence
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
