you mean i was at the winter classic?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize