All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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